How to Heal from Heartbreak | Personal Post Ahead

If you’ve ever experienced heartbreak, you know it’s a pain for which there is no immediate cure. It’s constant, aching, and seemingly unbearable – at least, for me, it was. A long, long, long, long time ago (Bernie Mac voice), I fell hard for a man who seemed to just get me. We had similar interests and goals, shared the same sense of humor, and came from like backgrounds. As it turned out, though, we weren’t a match for one another. And when the relationship ended, I had thee hardest time recovering.

Looking back, several things contributed to my desire for the relationship to continue. I didn’t love myself properly at the time, and I desperately yearned for him to give me the love I needed. Insecurity, jealousy, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and abuse were regular guests at our house, and though deep down I knew we wouldn’t go the distance, I struggled tremendously when we went our separate ways. The lows were so low. The highs were non-existent. But eventually, I made it through.

It was not easy, but if you’re going through a painful breakup, remain encouraged. You will make it out alive. Take things as slowly as you need to: one minute at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time. It may seem like the furthest thing from the truth but believe the day will come when it will not hurt. In the meantime, if you’re for looking for strategies to help you cope, keep reading. And remember, God loves you.

Take A Deep Breath

No, really. Right now. Stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath. Inhale for five seconds. Exhale for five seconds. And realize that you still have you. You are the most important thing in your life. You are the person you will always be with, and no matter who comes or goes, you cannot abandon you.

Focus On You

Why does it hurt so badly?

Did you sacrifice yourself while in the relationship?

What story are you telling yourself now that it’s over?

What can you do to ease your pain?

If you take a step back from your feelings and analyze the relationship from beginning to end, can you see where things may have taken a turn? Was there a point where you felt you should have ended the relationship, but it continued anyway? What about your role in the split? Are there behaviors you should address to ensure you can experience a healthy relationship in the future? Are you constantly internalizing a limiting belief like, “I’ll never find love again?” And are you hurting yourself further by keeping the lines of communication open or tracking their social media?

The only person we can control is ourselves. And now more than ever, you have to focus on and prioritize yourself. If you are ending a relationship and it feels like you’re fighting for your life, you must be on your side. Every minute you invest in your ex is a minute delaying your healing. Let them go!

Don’t call. Don’t text. Don’t stalk their social media. Don’t go to old hangouts. Don’t drive by their house. Limit all interaction and focus on you.

What are your goals?

What dreams did you abandon for the relationship?

What about your spirituality? Have you connected with God lately?

If you have children, have you checked in with them to address what they may be feeling?

Now is the time to put yourself first. It’s survival time! If you have to, think of it as them vs. you. And you must bet on you. The time will come when you may be able to be cordial to or friendly with your ex, but that time isn’t now. Now is the time to put your boundaries on 100000000 and not feel bad about it. Choose you.

Ask For Help If You Need To

When you focus on yourself, you’ll know if what you’re feeling is too heavy. You’ll know if your vent sessions with friends aren’t cutting it. You’ll feel it when the weight is too much to bear. If the breakup is on your mind every second of every day, if you find yourself distracted everywhere and unable to complete daily tasks, if your hygiene has become poor, and stress has caused significant weight loss or gain. If the signs are there that you need help, don’t be ashamed to ask for it.

Don’t be too proud to save your life. No matter who is telling you what, know yourself. People may say, “oh, you’re still not over that?” Or conversely, “you’re handling things so well.” But you know what’s going on in your head. You know if you’re contemplating catching a case. Or worse, if you’re thinking about harming yourself. Do not be afraid of what it may “look like.” Focus your energy on addressing what is.

Seeking help is a good thing. You’re standing up for yourself and putting yourself first. You are essentially saying, “I love myself enough to get help.” You don’t have to do it on your own. There’s no more honor in doing it alone than reaching out for help. Whether it’s a friend, family member, church member, therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, or pet, if you need assistance, GET SOME.

Lean Into What Heals

For months after my breakup, I could only listen to two things: gospel music and Joel Osteen. Those two things helped to save my life. And any time I would deviate from those things, I would feel the pain intensely all over again. At my baseline, I’m a social person. I love to go out to eat, be with friends, and I absolutely love rap. But none of those things helped to heal my pain. I had to cling tightly to God’s word.

Every time Joel Osteen would say, “that old goat that left you…,” I felt it deeply in my spirit. That’s all I wanted to hear – hope. I needed to know that God hadn’t forgotten about me. I took comfort in His promises. And had I leaned completely into what I knew I needed, I might have healed faster. It’s not a race, but I’d strongly advise you to trust your intuition. It may feel like one of the hardest things to do. You may be tempted to doubt yourself, and the enemy may say to you, “What do you know? You got yourself into this mess!”

But you know what is building you up. You know where your strength is coming from. You know what is helping you to face the pain and work through it – not run from it. You know what is healing you. So trust yourself and lean completely into that. If you have to be a monk for a year, oh well. Dalai Lama me, please.

Help Someone Else

A rough relationship can make you feel like you have zero to offer yourself, let alone anybody else. But being of service to others can drastically improve your mood. It takes your mind off the heartache you’re experiencing and helps to change your perspective. When you volunteer for the less fortunate, clean up around your neighborhood, protest for a worthy cause, or spend time with someone in need, your attitude can shift from woe is me to life is good. You’ll quickly be reminded of just how blessed you are. Helping someone else while you’re hurting can help you too.

Begin Something New

And I’m not talking about a new relationship 😩. Consider a new hobby, skill, or interest. Maybe you’ve been delaying your fitness journey or have thought about pursuing additional educational certifications. There is no time like the present to go after a new dream, goal, or plan. It may be as small as reading a new book or something more extensive like rebuilding an old car. If it helps you invest your time and energy positively, what do you have to lose by trying it?

Breakups can be hard, but your life doesn’t have to end because your relationship did. Life can be great on the other side of the pain you’re experiencing right now. You may not be able to see it, but please believe it. Know that better days are coming. God has not forgotten about you. And the time will come when you won’t even miss that old goat that left you (Joel Osteen voice). So remain encouraged. Love and Hugs! 🤎