Life After 30 | Warning: Personal Post Ahead

Earlier this week, Cheslie Kryst, a former Miss USA titleholder (2019), civil attorney, model, writer, and entertainment news correspondent, jumped from a building in Manhattan, NY. The New York City Chief Medical Officer confirmed Kryst’s death by suicide, citing multiple blunt impact injuries. By all accounts, she was an intelligent, generous, loving, and beautiful soul who lived to impact those around her positively. In the hours following her death, her family released the following statement:

“In devastation and great sorrow, we share the passing of our beloved Cheslie. Her great light was one that inspired others around the world with her beauty and strength. She cared, she loved, she laughed, and she shined. Cheslie embodies love and served others, whether through her work as an attorney fighting for social justice, as Miss USA, and as a host on EXTRA. But most importantly, as a daughter, sister, friend, mentor, and colleague – we know her impact will live on. As we reflect on our loss, the family asks for privacy at this time.”

In search of the slightest clue as to what could have prompted such an enormous tragedy, I scoured the internet for hours (not that I or anyone else was owed an explanation). The only insight I uncovered – if it even qualifies as such – was an essay written by Kryst and published in Allure nearly one year ago. The subject matter – turning 30. In the piece, Kryst explored societal standards related to aging women, cultural pressure to achieve constantly, and personal frustration with feeling seen. The essay was beautifully written, thought-provoking, and, in light of her recent passing, sad.

And honestly, sad is just too weak of an adjective to describe both Kryst’s essay and life’s end. Reading her words was devastating. Though I’m not a pageant queen, attorney, or model, I connect to Cheslie’s story in many ways. Her words were authentic and profound while veiling what must have been a struggle like none other. My heart ached for her and her family, and it still does. My humblest and most sincere prayer is that her spirit is finally at peace.

…

I remember struggling with the thought of turning thirty in 2018. 29 had been a tumultuous year for me, and I was so not looking forward to more of the same. I felt extreme anxiety about not “having it together” despite exceeding career standards. No matter how many accolades I received or how well I was perceived, on the inside, I was miserable. “No kids; no husband,” repeatedly played in my mind as I grappled to understand how the Lord had skipped my prayer requests. It was that serious.

But when the clock struck 12, and I was finally 30, I felt instant relief. Something about still standing and persevering through thoughts that tried to destroy me helped fuel my desire to live. I do not say this lightly: but for the grace of God, I would have met the same fate of Cheslie Kryst. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And no matter if you are Miss USA or the girl next door, he will try his hardest to convince you that you are worthless.

Cheslie Kryst’s battle with depression is a sensitive matter that deserves the utmost respect, so I mean no offense in exploring the topic. I just can’t help but think that there are women on the fence. There are young women overwhelmed at the thought of turning thirty, and the pressures of society are too heavy to bear. As we age, we are devalued by others. And the message we are sent by culture and society is that our importance is diminished.

But for anyone reading who may be struggling with thoughts of ending it all: you are enough! You were created in God’s perfect image and will always be – no matter the circumstance – a reflection of the Most High. You are valuable. You are loved. You are seen. You matter. Your journey may be difficult, but you will overcome. You are beautiful at any age, and your story is too important to be cut short.

If you are battling thoughts of suicide, you are not alone. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. If you are anyone you know is seeking support for suicide prevention, Lifeline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org) is available to help. For confidential support and crisis resources, call 1.800.273.8255.

Remain encouraged and remember you are loved.