The Duality Within: What Hating Nate from Ted Lasso Says About Me | Warning: Personal Post Ahead

There’s a character I hate on a show that I love, but instead of judging the jerk, I’m taking advice from the show’s main character and becoming curious. If you’ve watched Ted Lasso, chances are that you, too, are no Nathan Shelley fan. And if you haven’t watched it, be advised – spoilers are ahead. The series is based on a Kansan football coach who’s recruited to London to coach soccer. The optimistic, easy-to-love, yet imperfect Ted Lasso, accepts the position and travels abroad on a journey to find himself and help others.

And help others, he does.

But not before he’s met with harsh critics, a manipulative boss – at first – and a seemingly impossible task: leading an English premier league soccer team, AFC Richmond, to victory with zero soccer experience. Having only his trusty, well-read assistant coach, Coach Beard, and a can-do attitude, Ted manages to navigate almost every obstacle thrown his way with enthusiasm, humor, and good cheer. For most of season one, it’s a feel-good show. But art imitates life in season two, as darker themes begin to surface for Ted.

Among these darker themes? Nathan Shelley.

You see, the first time we see Nate, he’s a lowly water boy for the team. In fact, in season one’s episode one, Ted asks Nate for his name, and Nathan replies, “Me? Nobody ever asks my name.” Still, Ted insists. And as with every character Ted encounters, he makes Nathan feel seen, valued, and important. In turn, Nathan begins to see himself in a more worthy light and unlocks gifts deep within, ultimately elevating his career.

But the honeymoon doesn’t last, and almost without warning, we begin to see Nathan develop into an insecure, self-loathing, egocentric maniac. Ok, maniac may be harsh. But definitely, a villain. Never mind that he’s been promoted from kit-man to assistant coach strictly at the behest of Coach Lasso. Or that now, nearly everyone knows his name. None of that is enough for Nathan. Convinced that he’s somehow been abandoned by Lasso in season two, he spirals into abusive, cruel behaviors that are as easy to despise as they are hard to understand.

And trust me, I tried – to understand. I read review after review on Ted Lasso. Then I read reviews of the reviews and breakdowns of each character. And while I was relieved to find that I’m not alone in my disgust for Nathan Shelley, I still could not make sense of my passionate distaste for a fictional character! Then I remembered a principle I learned from a book I cannot remember that explained the things we dislike in others are characteristics we detest within ourselves.

Boom. Mystery solved. Closed case.

Now don’t go getting me wrong – I’m almost nothing like Nathan Shelley. He’s mean-spirited. Ungrateful. Hateful. And Disloyal. But as more is revealed about the life and times of nasty Nate Nate the Great, we learn that he’s hurting. He’s never experienced the love and approval of his father, a female counterpart, or even himself. He’s lonely and, at times, desperate for the slightest validation. He sees himself as a loser, and as a result, he feels everyone else sees him this way too.

The more curious I became about seeing things from Nathan’s perspective, the more I understood why he (and I – to a much lesser degree, of course) hurts people. And it’s because he’s hurting. He’s enraged. He’s filled with all sorts of dark emotions – anger, envy, hate – and they must go somewhere. We never see Nate vent these frustrations anywhere else but upon himself and other people.

And while that works for the script of Ted Lasso, it doesn’t play so well in real life. I know because I’ve been Nate – mean-spirited, ungrateful, hateful, and disloyal – at some point or another. I’ve been hurt, and I’ve disliked myself. I’ve also longed to feel important, valuable, and seen. And though I’d like to think that I’ve never resorted to tactics as lowly as Nathan Shelley’s, the truth is I’m not so sure.

But unlike Nathan Shelley, I am the author of my own story. And the script for my next season is completely up to me. Facing the mirror helps as I’m reminded that we’re all always one choice away from being the better version of ourselves. What Nathan fails to consider in Ted Lasso is that every single character is, in a way, hurting. Each person is facing adversity all their own, yet he is the only character that consistently chooses to manage his inner demons by harming everyone else.

While other individuals choose to elevate by engaging in healthy coping mechanisms, Nate descends further and further into the dark side with every choice. And I don’t want to be a Nate. I want to be a Ted, Ms. Welton, Dr. Sharon, Roy Kent, or literally any other character that has the capacity to be mean but instead chooses to be better. So in my battle to understand Nathan Shelley, I’ve uncovered the battle within.

The battle to be better or sink lower into destructive behaviors to cope. The battle to let rage consume me or to forgive others for what I perceive to be their offenses against me. The battle to cling to the old me or to focus on building the new. The battle of the duality within. And I’m happy to report that today, the new me is reigning victorious. So while I wait patiently for the third installation of Ted Lasso, I can rest comfortably knowing that the choice to abhor Nate is a decent one – but the chance to learn from him is even better.

Until next time, Love & Hugs!